SOCIAL SECURITY SEX > > Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'> > 'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex.' > 'Social Security sex?' > > 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live > on!' >------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > LOUD SEX > > A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, > doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.' 'My dear, the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!' > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > QUIET SEX > > Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife > during a recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when > you have an orgasm?' > > She glanced at him casually and replied, 'You're not home!' > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > CONFOUNDED SEX > > A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give > him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the > surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost > would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for 'medium, $14,000 for 'large.' > The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged > him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man > called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor > came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. 'Well, > what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor. > > The man answered, 'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.' > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX > > > A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th > wedding anniversary The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you > a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'.' > > 'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that > reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'' > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX > > My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, 'This will > make you happy tonight.' > He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all > over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. >------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > ELDERLY SEX > >> One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 > year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and > ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted > living apartment Killing him instantly. > Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if > she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, 'Yes, your > honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex ... He could fly.' __________________
