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Post Info TOPIC: Anniverary Gift for her ??


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Anniverary Gift for her ??


Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted
this:Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop
that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I
was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie . What I
came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects
of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought
it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
pushedthe
button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time;
I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between
the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie
what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries,right?
>>>> >>>>>>>
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood
moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,
I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I
wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions
in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device
measuring about 5'' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute
really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries)
thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
best...?
I'm sitting there a lone, Gracie looking on with her head ****ed to
one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT
THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,picked
me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in
the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an
atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living
room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser,
one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A
three second burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relativething
at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat
up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or
so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples
were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control
over the drooling. Apparrently I **** myself, but was too numb to know
for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my
nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me
with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid"
 

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