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NO Refill
(Preview)
?? ? A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senio...
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The Group Picture
(Preview)
The group picture The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A smal...
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RollingStone
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Rat in the Rairitan
(Preview)
?? ?? A man walked into a curio shop in Dobson , North Carolina. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked "How much is the bronze rat?&quo...
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Dixie Dude
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THIS BUD'S FOR YOU !!
(Preview)
?? A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their trolley. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they ca...
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Dixie Dude
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Anniverary Gift for her ??
(Preview)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little someth...
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Dixie Dude
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Truck Stop
(Preview)
? TRUCK STOP BLOND.... A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his Order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of Headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out the...
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Save Hillary ???
(Preview)
? Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted....
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Dixie Dude
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The Tomatoe Garden
(Preview)
The Tomatoe Garden ?????? An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual ?????? tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. ?????? His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man ?????? wrote a letter to his son and described his pr...
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RollingStone
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Mom always said to use TIDE
(Preview)
Dear Tide, I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband sta...
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Home Remedies
(Preview)
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF. 2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. 3. AVOID ARGUM...
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Lost Luggage
(Preview)
"I've Lost Me Luggage" An Irishman arrived at J.F.K.? Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.? An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd th...
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Olive Anyone ??
(Preview)
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.? When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.? "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had do...
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What do you think ??
(Preview)
Help America - spend your rebate wisely. ???????? ??????? The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China . If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to India . If we purchase f...
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NOT A BAD IDEA
(Preview)
I want to live my next life backwards:???? You start out dead and get that out of the way.???? Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.???? Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.???? Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.???? Then when you start work, you get a gold wa...
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Thought For Today
(Preview)
Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. Today's Message of the Day is: Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile. Have a GREAT WEEKEND EV...
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Dixie Dude
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Divorce vs. Murder
(Preview)
DIVORCE VS. MURDER A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it...
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A Doctor at Walmart ??
(Preview)
Wal-Mart Doctor Wal-Mart has everything! One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.' 'Listen, you don' t have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give i...
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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps?
(Preview)
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
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